Apparently, individuals will say something after a pair glasses of Sav Blanc

Ben Simmons

Ben Simmons
Screenshot: JJ Redick/YouTube

Though the NBA season is a couple of month away, it nonetheless feels extreme to jot down about Ben Simmons. He by no means performs basketball outdoors of (I’m assuming) closely edited Instagram movies, and but he’s nonetheless within the public dialogue. He might’ve had all his basketball expertise drained from his physique by a Nerdluck, and we’d do not know.

His newest little bit of self-promotion/delusion was an look on J.J. Redick’s podcast “The Outdated Man & The Three” the place he responded to a query as main because it was triggering. I want Simmons would’ve simply answered the question with one phrase — “sure” — like he might’ve as a result of what else is he going to say when provided up: “Do you’re feeling like a scarcity of capturing … was magnified since you have been in Philly?”

However I assume all of us get a bit chatty after a few glasses of chardonnay, and Simmons felt the necessity to speak about a metropolis that might like it if he saved their identify out of his mouth.

Did you catch that? It’s virtually a throw-away line — “I really feel like I’m a part of Philly nonetheless.” If I used to be Redick — or extra possible the bearded man on the left who positively turned his hat round after the host confirmed up rocking the backward look — I’d’ve needed to cease the podcast proper there. Man’s gonna make me choke on my Albariño. Nonetheless part of Philly? What Earth are we on? Did I get up the multiverse? The place is Kang?

While I’d have to listen to the whole podcast to know the follow-up question, one can only assume it’s some form of ball-tickling that makes up the majority of new media ventures. I barely keep up with old media, I don’t have time to be sucked into their self-absorption.

What is it about stemware that gets NBA players in their feelings? I enjoy a beautifully thin Riedel glass as much as the next oenophile, but I find it a better accompaniment to an Oregon pinot and a well-seared steak than a heaping plate of reflection. No one, and I mean no one, thinks they’re more interesting than an NBA player after half a bottle of wine.

Please, tell us more about the trials and tribulations of having a jumper so broken that you won’t even unsheathe it. Simmons is not so much unwelcome in Philly as he is reviled. This is a Boston-Roger Clemens scenario. The least J.J. could do is inform Ben that he definitely should have a member of his entourage go to grab the Dalessandro’s or else he’s going to catch a bottle of Yuengling to the back of the head.

Simmons didn’t show up during one of the few seasons the 76ers could’ve won a title, and then quit on the team the next year. Still a part of Philly? Still. A. Part. Of. Philly? STILL A PART OF PHILLY?! It’s too early for this. It’s too fucking early.

Where’s Ben’s handler during the taping? Did Greg not pass along the memo about the two-glass maximum?

Redick should’ve done what retired players used to do and passed on his craft as Hakeem Olajuwon did to Dwight Howard. Hopefully, this trend goes the way of the (again assuming) shuttered Dream Shake summer camp, and the weeping contests that I guess double as content become utterly 2022 like High Noons or Jack Harlow.

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